Saturday, January 16, 2010

Interview With My Hair

Here's an interview I did awhile back with my hair. I thought I'd share it so you might get to know me a little bit better....

Note:This is not a vanity project.

Sam: Hey hair, what's up?

My Hair: Eh, just hanging around

Sam: You do want me to call you "Hair" right?

My Hair: Well, calling me "Ass" would be silly wouldn't it?

Sam: Yea, I guess you're right, so the first question is you've been through a LOT of changes over the years, anything in particular stick out to you?

My hair: Yea, that cowlick you had when you were six.

Sam: I see what you did there, but what I meant was, any particular style?

My hair: Oh, well that time you got a mohwak, what were you pissed off at me?

Sam: Not at all, I really liked it actually.

My hair: Yea, it was cool and all, until you decided to trim it yourself.

Sam: Yea, that's true, live & learn.

Sam: Hair, ever since you've grown out, you've been quite the conversation piece, some people have even accused you of being a wig....

My hair: Now hold it right there, where the hell, do you get off asking that cra..

Sam: I'm just saying, do you take that as a compliment?

My hair: Well it depends, on if they think I look like some kind of discount wig, or one of those like Zsa Zsa Gabor used to hock.

Sam: I'm assuming it's one of the finer quality wigs.

My hair: Now you're making me blush.

Sam: Speaking of changing colors, how do you feel about dye?

My hair: I fully endorse it.

Sam: Why's that?

My hair: Well, you want to look you're best, you know what they say: No play for Mr. Gray

Sam: Yea, but some people think it makes them look distinguished

My hair: Sam, an asshole is an asshole no matter what color their hair is.

Sam: Okay, what do you think about balding?

My Hair: Shit happens, just God don't let it happen to me!

Sam: You'd freak out?

My Hair: Yea.

Sam: Is it vanity?

My Hair: Vanity's got nothing to do with it.

Sam: Do you stare at bald people or feel sorry for them?

My Hair: No, that's what toupees and surgery are for.

Sam: What if they can't afford it?

My Hair: Then they should do it anyway, call it a beautification project. Government blows money on that shit all the time.

Sam: What do you think of ponytails?

My Hair: I'm not into bondage, man.

Sam: Did you have any idols growing up?

My Hair: John Stamos, I was crushed when he got his hair cut, I didn't curl for days, I just laid there.

Sam: That was some sad shit.

Sam: Now, you've been compared to some pretty famous hairstyles haven't you?

My Hair: Well you'd know about that, let's see, Jimmy Garvin, Jim Morrison, Cactus Jack, Bob Seger..

Sam: Are you influenced by these men?

My Hair: Oh, absolutely. I'd have to say one of my biggest influences would have to be The Beatles.

Sam: Interesting. Hair, one last question, what kind of legacy would you like to leave the world?

My Hair: Well, Sam I know how you can do things on a whim, so I wanna ask you, if the day ever comes and you decide to cut me loose, I'd like you to donate me to "Locks of Love"

Sam: Wow, I'm impressed, hair. That's very giving and selfless of you.

My Hair: I do what I can.

Sam: Well hair, I want to thank you for your time & being there for me, and I hope we're together for many more years to come.

My Hair. Word!


  1. I have a question for hair, you remember your natural color?

    As for being bald all I can do is quote Gary Shandling "It is the hair on the inside that counts".